The Worldview Implications of Pineapple on Pizza

In the current epoch of civilizational decline—marked by the erosion of objective standards in ethics, aesthetics, and yes, even gastronomy—it should come as no surprise that the Western world has lost its appetite for coherent, creationally-ordered food. Among the clearest, most troubling culinary artifacts of our decadence is the popularization of pineapple on pizza.

While at first glance, this may seem like a mere matter of taste (or lack thereof), I would urge the reader to resist such flippancy. Taste, like all things, is never neutral. It is formed, shaped, and ultimately directed by a worldview. And the question before us is this: What sort of worldview gives rise to pineapple on pizza?

1. Culinary Syncretism and the Postmodern Palate

Pineapple on pizza is a paradigmatic example of gastronomic syncretism—an unprincipled blend of disparate elements without regard for natural boundaries. Here, we witness the postmodern mind at work: the arbitrary fusion of sweet tropical fruit with the sacred, savory institution of Neapolitan flatbread.

This is not mere innovation; it is rebellion. Just as postmodern philosophy deconstructs meaning, pineapple deconstructs the proper telos of pizza. The crust, the sauce, the cheese, and the toppings are to be a harmonious whole, each part complementing the other in accordance with its nature. Pineapple, in contrast, intrudes as an alien substance—an unwelcome visitor disrupting covenantal culinary order.

2. Theological Roots of Toppings

From the biblical perspective, food is not neutral. It is given to man as a gift, regulated by the moral law, and reflective of God’s good creation. Pizza, like all cultural products, is to be received with thanksgiving and stewarded according to the norms of Scripture.

The rise of pineapple pizza parallels the broader desacralization of Western culture. As we’ve abandoned the Creator-creature distinction and embraced radical autonomy, so too have we forsaken the fixed distinctions of sweet and savory, warm and cold, fruit and meat. It is not surprising that the same culture which cannot define a man or a woman also cannot define a pizza.

3. Resistance Through Faithful Eating

The faithful Christian must resist. This is not to say that we must adopt a form of dietary legalism. I am not here advocating for a new Levitical code concerning pizza toppings. Rather, I am calling for the retrieval of a properly calibrated, creationally faithful culinary imagination.

In this age of gastronomic pluralism, we must be prepared to give a reason for the hope that is within us—and sometimes, that begins with a plate. Let our meals reflect the order, beauty, and distinction that God has woven into creation. Let us eat as Christians.

And let us say no—graciously but firmly—to pineapple on pizza.

Conclusion: Toward a Theonomic Pizzology

If Christ is Lord of all—and He is—then He is Lord even of the kitchen. There is no neutral bite, no worldview-free topping. Either the fruit of our pizza proceeds from covenant faithfulness or it is a culinary manifestation of cultural apostasy.

Choose this day whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord—and do so with toppings that reflect His created order.

Note: This article was written using AI, #AprilFools